Evil Rant

Why I Dislike Dogs

I enjoy walking, usually at night. Walking in the suburban areas of the city in which I live, at about 2:00 AM on a weekday, gives you a sense that you're in another world. I rarely encounter other people when I'm out there, and the ones I do stumble across are usually, as you can imagine, pretty interesting. I like the solitude, the darkness and the silence. Unfortunately, there exists one thing that has a way of disturbing the bliss that I feel; the neighborhood dogs. While their human masters have retreated to the inside of their homes, for some much needed sleep, or at least, a vain attempt at it (I often see the unmistakable glow of television screens pouring out of people's windows at all hours of the night) the dogs they own, frequently remain outside and occasionally running loose.

Despite the fact that I consider myself an animal lover, the domesticated dog is one animal which truly bothers me. This is not merely because of how they disturb my nocturnal outings (though that certainly doesn't help any), but there's an even larger issue at hand here. To put it simply, dogs act too much like humans. When you encounter most wildlife, even domesticated cats, they will usually shy away from you, unless they feel threatened or you do something stupid like step on them. Most animals would rather not have anything to do with people. Dogs, however, refuse to be ignored. Most times they will bark, and sometimes they'll brazenly attempt to receive some positive attention. They need for their presence to be known, just like most people, and missing an opportunity to interact isn't an option for them.

Even a cat that is extremely friendly towards everyone will usually proceed with patience and care when soliciting attention from a person that he/she doesn't know. It should be noted that cats have been "domesticated" for less time than dogs, so they still retain more of their wild traits. If you do not teach a cat to get used to people when it's still a kitten, then there is very little chance that it will ever warm up to people. As for other animals (I've kept reptiles for many years), most will maintain a significant amount of unsociable behavior when dealing with humans throughout their lives (depending on the specific abilities of the person and what type of critter they're actually keeping). Of course, many people assume that this must be a reflection of the animal's lack of intelligence; after all, no smart creature would ever reject the company of humans, right?

The dog is the pet of the common man, a blue collar animal. And I would say that much of Joe citizen's attitude has rubbed off onto it. Dogs are almost certainly the most widely used service animals on the planet; they are the only ones that people feel they can trust with important tasks. And why can they trust them? Because dogs are so much like them , pack animals which have been around us for so long that they can now be forced into submission and servitude without much difficulty; just like many of their masters (try getting a cat or a snake to like you by using force and see what happens). A beast which has lost its fangs is not much use to a villain, and I personally have little respect for a creature that has been so completely whipped, that it can be regularly relied on by humans. Man's best friend also shares his general cowardice. Like the average Joe, the dog will completely buckle under the will of someone he sees as an authority figure, but will have no problem acting like a total ass around others whom he does not fear or has no power over him. It seems that man's irresponsible nature has contaminated our neighborhood wildlife.

Obviously, dogs are not normally the first pets to come to mind when talking about villainy, but this is not to say that a villain can not have a pet dog if he/she chooses. There is something to be said for having an obedient ally (you should know that I like power and control as much as anyone), and I believe that there was a certain mythological ruler of the underworld, who had a particularly ferocious 3 headed friend that was distinctly canine. Even in paranormal circles, we find reported sightings of menacing black, phantom or daemon dogs which are often seen as bad omens (if not as direct threats in of themselves) and of course, who can forget Dracula's "children of the night". Because of their familiarity and reputation for dependability, dogs are not usually associated with darker individuals like us; however that doesn't necessarily mean they can't be a good (or evil?) companion for a villain. Just remember that a minion is only as valuable as its master, so please, if you choose this kind of critter, take advantage of its capacity for obedience and teach it some control. Not only can a lot of mindless barking lose its ability to terrify after a while; but it is also very obnoxious, and that is definitely a human quality which should not be allowed to infect any other species.

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- False Prophet

November 24, 2006